Blog #6: The new "Normal"

I remember the day that I first began to worry about all of this, it was actually the weekend before I drove home from San Diego on Tuesday March 17. I was still working at Cafe Gratitude, my manager needed a lot of help those couple weeks leading up to ultimately closing our doors until it is once again safe to dine at a restaurant. My coworkers were scared to go to work, I was too but it wasn't until the Monday before I left for home that I finally reached my breaking point from fear and left work after only a couple of hours. I was scared, overwhelmed, anxious because of the unknown, and most all needed the support of my family. Once I finally made the decision to drive home for an indefinite amount of time I knew I had made the right decision. Classes were moved entirely online, my work shut down until further notice, my internship was officially canceled, and I was beyond ready to be home in a calm and warming environment.
I've been living back at my moms house for almost a month now and while I love her to death I would love to have my life back even more, I think we all would. I'm anxiously awaiting the day I can safely drive back to San Diego. Who really knows when that will be anymore, there are predictions but I don't believe any of us really know the answer. One thing that comforts me during this time is that I know I am not alone in my feelings of fear, helplessness, and chaos. We are in this together and in a way that feels uniting. We are all going through the same turmoil, some are having a much harder time than others. I am fortunate enough to be okay right now. My landlords are not requiring me to pay any rent money until I am back on my feet working, I got my unemployment benefits figured out and have started receiving, and I have a safe place to live. I feel deeply for the people who are suffering right now, people who were living paycheck to paycheck, children stuck at home when school was once their safe place, families who have lost loved ones, and people who have lost their lives. I never would have dreamed I would be living through a global pandemic. None of us did. We have no idea when this will end or how it will end. Only that we have to take it one day at a time. 
What has kept me hopeful and sane is the unexpected time I get to now spend with my family members at home. The friends and family I don't see everyday I have been able to FaceTime often which is really nice and makes me feel connected still although we can't spend real time together. I celebrated my 21st birthday in quarantine at home. It wasn't the birthday I expected but nonetheless it was a great day spent with my mom, enjoying each other's company and some adult beverages. I plan to celebrate my birthday again in the city with my friends once the shelter in place is lifted. 


A lot has been taken from us and we have every right to be upset about it. Events are canceled, many nonessential jobs are gone, we can’t attend class, and we can’t even gather with friends and family. One thing that has really kept my spirits up during this time is just getting in my car and going for a drive by myself. My car has always felt like my sanctuary. A place I can go to blast music, cry, think, all of that. One simple drive to the sunset in the evening can turn my whole day around. If you don’t have a car try going for a walk in the evening that has always been very calming for me as well.


Comments

  1. Ashley NewmanApril 16, 2020 at 1:07 PM

    Hi Holly! I think many of us at SDSU have the same experiences as you and can relate. I was temporarily laid off for the time being and also drove home to stay with family. It's definitely a weird time and I believe this is something that will be in history books and we'll talk about with our kids. I'm glad you have a support system and an understanding landlord. It's nice to see people come together and help each other out during this time. I live in a family of 7 people and many of them are step-siblings who I don't have a super strong relationship with. We're all out of high school and when our parents got married we were all driving and not home a lot so there was never time to get to know each other. For the last 2 weeks, we've been having family dinners every night and seeing a lot more of each other and it's been nice to feel more like a family. I think we're all going to come out of quarantine grateful for what we had and what we were able to learn from this experience. Great post Holly!

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  2. ChloeApril 17, 2020 at 5:40 PM

    Hi Holly,

    I'm sorry this has effected your life so much, but I definitely commend you for how you are handling everything. You have a positive outlook, while you are still very aware and in turn with reality. Spending your 21st birthday in quarantine is something no person ever thinks they'll be doing, so it's great how you had the discipline to stay home because there are many people I've witnessed via social media that have not! It's strange how quickly everything has changed, it almost doesn't feel real. This quarantine sure does make me realize how I took many things before for granted and it honestly humbles me in a sense. I hope you and your family remain healthy through these times :)

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